Ever since I was little, hearing the word testimony seemed to mean big stories of such drastic change in one’s life. Now I know that it is a drastic change but done in any story.
According to Merriam Dictionary, testimony has 3 main meanings but I prefer this one:
firsthand authentication of a fact.
The things you’ve heard from people saying that God has worked and is working in people’s lives are their firsthand experiences. Just as what I’m about to share.
Aside from firsthand experience, they are authentic and factual because they are experiences. Something we might not be able to explain but something we cannot deny.
And these firsthand, authentic experiences are not just seen once. God is creative, always working with His never ending love and that means that we all have a story to share. Stories combined in chapters to each of our individual life books.
And so here is a testimony from my 9th grade self, a portion of a chapter of my life.
I had known Jesus all my life, growing up in an amazing Christian family, surrounded by amazing friends. From growing up in Atlanta, Georgia to moving to Davao City, Philippines, I experienced a lot of growth but growing up in the faith was the best.
In 9th grade, I decided to take the challenge of starting a lifegroup or a small group. I wanted to lead girls, my friends and classmates to Jesus, to see them experience Him the way I did.
But as usual, it’s “easier said than done.”
I prayed about this, talked about it with family, gave tithes at church and tried to be the best example. Or so I thought.
Even though I’m different from most people my age due to my values and faith, I was not very different in terms of mindset.
I gave my all for my friends, for this lifegroup, for my classmates and our projects in school. I reached out as often as I could. I was a shoulder to cry on, an ear that listens and understands, a heart that cares.
But no one seemed to reciprocate that. I felt alone somehow. Like all my effort was my own with no progress in view.
It was as if I was walking along a darkening road that seemed endless.
The girls didn’t seem to grasp what I was sharing. They later admitted that they only joined so I wouldn’t be disappointed. But I still was.
Aside from small group meetings, having these girls as classmates also meant we had other things to do and other people with us.
My friends had other groups of friends. I didn’t. They were my first real group of friends in the Philippines and I felt left out.
Not just the second but the last option.
I asked God why? Why do You want me to lead these friends when they don’t even want to?
I gave my all. I reach out. I try. But they don’t care about me.
One night while I was laying in bed, I felt like I was being reminded of such big things in my life.
A good late night talk with God.
These words just came to mind.
“You were not put on this earth for people to love you. But for you to love people.”
Jesus was perfect and walked on this earth with haters and rejection, feeling every single thing we have. But He didn’t give up on His purpose. Why? Because He knew He came for us. Because He loves us.
And who am I to complain about people treating me like this if I’m not even close to perfect?
Those months were full of situations where I wanted to give up. To just stop and live my own life without bothering anyone anymore cuz “no one seemed to care or appreciate.” I was falling away from the purpose.
But then I fell into His love.
And that’s when things started shifting. I was so focus on the idea of me doing this, of I reaching that, of me leading the girls, of I feeling left out that I forgot it’s not about me. It’s all about Him.
And lying down in bed that night reminded me of why I love to listen to people, to reach out, to help, to lead.
I love with His heart because He loves me.
This might not be the most life changing, amazing, mind boggling testimony you’ve read but it’s real. It’s a part of my story.
Over the past year, I’ve been blessed with a growing audience and a question that I’ve gotten quite a few times is:
I know you do because you’re human but it doesn’t seem like it so… Do you ever have problems?
I smile reading that kind of question because many people see the product of answered prayers, diligence, tears, and a lot of faith. They don’t see the behind the scenes work.
And so this testimony I just shared is one of the bigger life changing moments for me because it shifted my focus from myself, a servant, to God, the King.
It made me realize that life is more fun, freer, better when lived with God and for God. I get those problems of doubt, worry, and exhaustion. But God is with me and He strengthens me more.
When your focus is off allowing life to steer you into a dead end, shift your focus to He who can guide you back to where you need to be.
It might not be the way you imagine or how you want things to go, but He works all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)
I hope this blog serves a reminder.
For more real talks, and maybe some more life testimonies to come, check out my instagram and youtube.
Youtube: https://youtu.be/zIiaaWV2cUI
For more: https://reychellemoira.wordpress.com/
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