First, you tried to achieve something but failed.
Second, you had the chance to aim for it, yet you feel down.
Finally, you trusted Him and it worked!
Have you ever tried to put so much effort to achieve or complete something in your life but it did not work out? To tell you honestly, I am not exempted of this, too. I experienced it a lot of times and this pandemic was the toughest one.
Going back home was an opportunity. Having the desire of bringing Jesus into my family made me want to love and serve them that lasted for a month. Yet, time flew so fast not knowing that the thing I used to do (before I gave my life to Christ) was now clearly becoming familiar into my life to the point that I did not have time to spend with God. As much as I wanted to influence my friends and neighbors, I was the one who was influenced by them. Little did I know that there are still remnants of the past haunting me, lies of the enemy taunting me, and chains of the past keeping me.
And so, these chains bound me for how many months. I paused for a moment and thought of what I must do, remembering what God has done in my life. First, I attempted to stop this because I know it does not help me and it may destroy my life. I tried my best, but it did not work out. I suddenly realized that I found myself doing the deeds I promised not to do again.
Romans 7:15, NIV: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
As I was trying, God is so good. He showed me the great things he had done in my life back then. I cried and remembered all of it. It was just for a while and suddenly I got numb and swayed from my past life.
Romans 7:18, NIV: "For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."
I enjoyed what the world had offered me, doing such things that are not right before the Lord again and again. Then there was a day I felt like I was drowning. The chains of the past kept pulling me and I could not bear it any longer. I felt an excruciating pain in my heart, making me weary oftentimes. I tried to completely avoid it. I felt downhearted knowing I could not escape from it. Little by little I am consumed by my fleshly desires. I completely forgot the Holy Spirit residing in me.
“God has been so good that it only takes to acknowledge the season I've been going through. It was grueling. I decided to surrender all of it to God, trusting His plans in this season of my life. Reminding me that He is always in me and it amazes me. I am no longer living a life full of lies and chains that bound me because Jesus has set me free.”
Why keep dwelling in my past when God has already prepared the best for me? He does not want me to miss it. God is righteous, so why keep doing things that are not right before Him? He just wants me to live a righteous life. I am a righteous woman in God for He will send people that I will be leading back to Him. I am a disciple and a discipler!
“Becoming sensitive with the Holy Spirit will help us overcome temptations.”
I do not know what season you are going through right now and some of you may relate to what I have gone through in this pandemic. You just need to acknowledge your season in life, not condemning yourselves. Keep holding on.
Remember, if you try to attempt something in your life, do not depend on your own understanding and do not let yourself become a slave to sin. Go directly to the Lord, surrender it all to Him, and ask the Holy Spirit to take the lead.
Galatians 5:16, NASB: "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh."
Attempting,
MARY BERNARDENE
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