HEMMED
By Quernelle Wayne Wayno
This season of locked down, I never knew I would be locked in to discover and experience my identity in the Lord. Now, bear with me as I go on to tell you how the Lord worked in me these past months.
Journal Entry: January 1, 2021
“You (God) will be going to help me dig deep on my identity this year so that whatever may happen, my identity will not be based on what I do (can and cannot), what I have and what I do not have but only based on You and how You see me.”
TRUST
Sometimes God needs to take away something to put your trust back where it belongs --- back to Him.
January 2021, a new year, they say. A new year of new beginnings, new hope, new dreams, and a fresh start. But for me, I entered the year with nothing. No dreams, no plans, no goals, no vision of the future. Yes, undisputed darkness. It is kind of new to me since I am a person who always has a plan to look forward to in the future. But God has His ways to build trust. Since late October 2020, I thought this is what it meant to be in the “process.” Every day I need to take it slow, 'nangangapa sa dilim'. I also learned to enjoy and be content with what is provided before me on the table. From there, God starts to speak clearer through His word and led me to be at peace even though I do not know what is next. This month ended with the phrase, “Now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!” With the community I am in and with His word.
On February 2021, the Art month, God highlighted this word to me,
Colossians 3:23, NLT:
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."
Am I working my best to win people’s approval, or am I working best because I know I am a child of God? Posting on my social media accounts was not my thing. I was so into my shell. I’m afraid that what I may post to the public will be wrong. I also fear taking self-photos because I do not have the guts to look at myself and see myself. I am so into the perfection that I’m afraid to look imperfect.
Competitiveness is good, but confidence is another thing. God taught me that confidence is more than just being the best at what you do. But it is about exploring the unknown with no fear of making mistakes. God doesn’t expect us to be perfect in what we do, but He wants us to be the best, and sometimes that means to just try it first. It might not be the best yet, the “least”, they say, but that is where everything starts. It is you being excellent because there is love, and fondness.
Lately, this month of March, God continues to show what confidence resembles. There was this one afternoon when I need to grill fish for dinner, but I didn’t know how to light up the charcoal. With no hesitation, I asked my father, and to my amazement, he answered with no complaint. For you to know, I am used to think things through and check my words before I let them out of my mouth because I fear judgments. But that time, it was different. I let go of words with no second thoughts. My father can clearly complain since I am already 25 years old. I’ve seen a lot of people grilling fish in my whole life but still don’t know how to do it. But, that moment in time taught me very well what confidence in God really is. My father, with patience, taught me step-by-step how to do it as if I’ve never seen it before. Sometimes, we feel like age and experience are all it takes to know everything. But to God, it doesn’t matter. A child-like faith, being empty every day to receive new things from God, to come to God with no entitlement, no trophies, no certificates of recognition, leaving behind what you learned yesterday to let Him fill you again today. Pour out and let God pour in. Speak out to God what’s in your head. He won’t judge you.
God will not be threatened nor is afraid of your doubts and confusion because when we come to Him and open up, we give room for Him to work with us and in us.
Love. Identity. Trust. Confidence. Work.
Identity, they lie on God’s words. The confidence, they’re found in God’s unchanging love. Trust, sometimes you need to go the unendurable ways and dark place to learn this but hold on to this promise God has for you and me.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23: 4
And remember this,
All the other peaks, though impressive and imposing, look with envy on you, Mount Zion!
For Zion is the mountain where God has chosen to live forever.
Psalm 68:15-16
I am Wayne. I am Zion. I am imperfect even the things I give to God are not perfect. I am 25 years old, but I don’t know everything in life. I messed up. I am inconsistent, and I am weak in my emotion, and so on. But all these disqualifications of mine will remind me to keep coming back to Him because He chose me. He picked me not because He pitied me but because He’s merciful and loves me. And because of that reason, I know I can expect help whenever I need it. And you know what? That love does not only accepts us but also takes away the impure things in us and gives us new beautiful things to build us for His glory.
I’ll end with this,
Romans 3:23 NLT
For everyone who sinned; WE ALL fall short of God's glorious standard.
Let not your flaws, mistakes, imperfection, and sin be the reason that you want to walk away from God because the truth is, God came for you. He’s not looking for perfect and righteous people, or even the kindest people. He did just only came for those who know and acknowledged their imperfections, flaws, mistakes, and sins but those broken, in pain, stressed, depressed, and worried. In short, God came for us all.
"Now, what is holding you back?"
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